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Post by nigelahmad on Jan 7, 2021 14:52:13 GMT 1
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Post by AinA on Jan 8, 2021 12:55:04 GMT 1
It's good she's speaking; it’s a rarity in terms of interviews. It was a good one. Everyone wants to be understood. There were some parts that stuck out to me the most, particularly these (bolded): This album permeated culture in a way that few albums have before it existed and made you a massive star. How were you handling the public gaze at the time?
There were definitely things I enjoyed about stardom, but there were definitely things I didn’t enjoy. I think most people appreciate being recognized and appreciated for their work and sacrifice. That, to me, is a given, but living a real life is essential for anyone trying to stay connected to reality and continue making things that truly affect people. This becomes increasingly harder to do in the “space” people try to place “stars” in.The pedestal, to me, is as much about containment and control as it is adulation. Finding balance, clarity and sobriety can be very hard for some to maintain. For example, being yes’d to death isn’t good, and people fear stardom can only result in this, but if the actual answer is yes, being told no just to not appear a yes-man is silly. Never being told no if the answer is no by people afraid to disappoint will obviously also distort the mirror in which we view ourselves. On the other hand, a person with a vision can be way ahead, so people may say no with conviction and resist what they fear only to find out later that they were absolutely wrong. The idea of artist as public property, I also always had a problem with that. I agreed to share my art, I’m not agreeing necessarily to share myself. The entitlement that people often feel, like they somehow own you, or own a piece of you, can be incredibly dangerous. I chafe under any kind of control like that and resist expectations that suggest I should somehow dumb-down and be predictable to make people feel comfortable rather than authentically express myself. I also resist unrealistic expectations placed on me by people who would never place those same requirements on themselves. I can be as diplomatic and as patient as I possibly can be. I can’t, however, sell myself short through constant self-deprecation and shrinking. ———- My response: Yes/No PeopleGeneral Sense & Workforce/Job/RelationshipsIn a general sense:I feel as though this is in relationship to a few things. However I feel there is an overarching element that underlies it, and that is its relationship to perceived power ——internal and/or external—— amongst the people/situations involved; how each person regards or looks at power internally (What power means to you) and externally (How you see power in others) and how all of that interacts with our own sense of personal/internal power/self-worth/esteem/characteristics/goals/motivations etc; seems cyclical in a sense and can be quite layered when you delve into motivation and power. I suppose the question then becomes, what causes someone to feel as though they need to “yes”someone to death? lol or to just say “no” so they won’t seem like the “yes” person they are. What about the Never say No-ers? lol. These all seem the same but there are some distinctions. “Yes people” say “yes” 100% of the time. “Just say no to not seem unlike yes people” will say yes and no at times, perhaps around 50/50, 60/40, 70/30, depends on the situation/context. “Never say No-ers” are more of my neutral people. They never say no, but will say yes but most of the time will simply not say anything at all. I sometimes feel as though the yeses here are more authentic. The frequency of yes is lowest here. I probably could sorta classify this last one as never say no/yes, but it wouldn’t be 100% accurate. So is it just stardom/fame that brings about these behaviors? (I’ve taken it a tad out of the context of fame)…. Or is it someone’s perception of power that is commonly attached to stardom that produces these behaviors? Can we see this phenomenon in other areas of life where power and influence are central? Is everyone affected in the same way when these factors crop up (Are there people who aren’t as affected by power/status/influence as opposed to those that are?-I deem this rather rare to be honest-) Why would stardom induce this fear based behavior of “Yes-ing”,“No-ing” and “Never say No-ing lol?” These are just questions that came up when I read it. Some things came to mind as to the various manifestations of power hierarchy and motivation. “Yes people, Pretend not to bes and Never say No people” respond to “power hierarchy” and for those that are people pleasers, this will be a natural phenomenon in… any relationship/situation. Anyway, non-people pleasers in these situations respond to “power hierarchy” in ways that indicate fear and less than savory motives (which can also be tethered to fear): Fear Based Motivations: Workforce/Job related (but includes a blurb about other motivations)- The more direct aspect of a fear based “Yes/No etc” I feel can relate to the environment they are surrounded by or have been, something they’ve become accustomed to and can expect to encounter and so it becomes a pattern of self-preservation. In keeping in context, the music business etc tends to be filled with egocentric people who abuse power (usually overcompensating for insecurities) and so people adapt in a number of ways, of course you can find this anywhere. Nonetheless, many times people in positions of power in the workforce can create environments that aren’t conducive to having “balance, clarity and sobriety” and so you will get a “yes/no etc” person for risk of saying the wrong thing and losing their jobs or “getting a bad rep.”
- That then of course leads to the reiteration of whether the person in a higher position of power is helping to create a space where someone feels safe enough to express a true answer (usually not), so as to wear down that self-preservation pattern they’ve built up. Unfortunately if not, you can sometimes end up with the extremity of “containment and control” (Never say No) and the opposite and even the extreme extreme of “adulation.” (Resentment—underlying reason—- and Laying it on SUUUUPPEERR thick, respectively) It just depends. I hope I’m understanding this correctly related to the “containment etc” aspect. I couldn’t tell if it was self-related or in generalities.
- In regards to romantic relationships, or just very simply someone wanting to be liked etc whatever the case may be, there is an imbalanced state of power if this “yes/no/never” issue arises. There’s also a problem with communication as well, as the environment isn’t one of “balance, clarity and sobriety.” This just echos what was said previously, not creating what’s needed for everyone to feel safe. Obviously a very unhealthy factor in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.
- I also feel like there is this weird dichotomy amongst some (not all) who’ve attained stardom, not liking being yes’d but liking it at the same time 😂.
Honestly, this one speaks for itself lol, people trynna come up. That wraps that up lol. Nah, in all honesty I think this comes from a lot of unmet needs/unresolved issues within a person. —— My response:The idea of artist as public property…“The idea of artist as public property, I also always had a problem with that. I agreed to share my art, I’m not agreeing necessarily to share myself. The entitlement that people often feel, like they somehow own you, or own a piece of you, can be incredibly dangerous.”
- This is a tough one and then it’s not lol, as I feel some people latch on to the art because it speaks to them in a fundamental way, as a part of who they are; their beliefs, value systems etc., which I mean is quite normal in a sense, people resonate, the issue however is when ppl begin to see themselves as that person 😂 or someone who is there to fix your problems while you do nothing 😂 or if you are unable to accept them as them. Then you have the other side of jealousy and envy that can get wrapped up in it. People have a lot of issues. I’m just saying.
- This is why it’s so hard for people to accept “change” in a person as they’ve thrusted their projections, hopes, desires etc upon them, sorry to say this is partly why stardom/fame exists. It’s hard because you’re a person and people want to keep you “stuck” in how they view you because it comforts them; to be honest many people do this on the regular in all their relationships, but people with fame get it 1000x more unfortunately.
- It’s on the extreme end when people feel as though they own you or are entitled to you. I’ve seen this it’s quite disturbing lol. So while to an extent I do believe that when a person shares art, they are sharing a part of themselves (I get where you’re coming from though), I just feel it’s a snapshot and people carry those snapshots with them in their back-pocket lol and some people really are stuck in perpetual snapshots, there is NO progress on their end. People have to stop time capsuling people. People change and grow. I’ve never understood this. It’s weird.
My response: in brackets and ()/text. Brackets wouldn’t fully take for some reason “I saw someone lambasted once for discussing episodes of anxiety before going on stage, as if anxiety was only a condition of the non-famous. It was absurd, like someone with a record out can’t get a common cold. [This is absolutely crazy to me! lol] Someone in love with the art doesn’t not experience fear or anxiety, they just do their best to transcend it or work beyond it so that the art or the passion can be made manifest. Some days are better than others. For some people it gets easier, for some it doesn’t. The unfairness, the harshness was excessive to me ( I understand and certainly agree). I didn’t like how I was being treated at a certain point ( I agree and definitely understand) I just wasn’t being treated well (yep, uh-huh)and definitely not in accordance with someone who’d contributed what I had. I had a ton of jealousy and competitiveness to contend with. That can exhaust or frustrate your efforts to make anything besides primal scream music, 😊. “- One of the things I feel is important for people to understand when experiencing situations like these, is to make sure that you don’t replicate what’s been done to you, otherwise you taint and tank good/potentially good relationships and push people away that actually love you and care about you. Effective communication can resolve many things especially so when ego and pride are out of the way.
Great interview L! I still check up on ya! Hope you’ve been alright. You may like these books if you weren't aware of them: Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization by Kaufman
Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome by Degruy |
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